Allow Yourself the Joy, Even With an Unfinished ‘To-Do’ List
What conditions are you holding yourself to before you allow yourself to enjoy life? Mine usually have to do with being caught up on tasks at work, the laundry, and the dishes. Even thinking of those responsibilities makes me cringe. So, I started asking myself, “Why, only after all of those things are done, do I allow myself to experience joy?”
When I say that out loud, I hear how silly it sounds. However, this is not an uncommon thought-pattern for so many of us…
Why do we set these unrealistic expectations before we allow joy and fun to have their places? Was this passed down to us from generations before? Is it a way to punish ourselves into doing undesirable jobs? What is this mindset all about?
I honestly want to know your thoughts, so please, send me a message with your feedback! I feel it is my life’s work to help us un-condition ourselves to these meaningless mind-scripts and behaviors.
For example, one thing I like to do is set up new structures and belief systems that make more sense to me. Here are some ideas on how to experience more joy in life, even if it means unchecked boxes on the “To-Do” list:
Create a holding place for your “to-do’s” that you’re comfortable with leaving undone for now. This way, you can safely prioritize, staying on top of important deadlines, while allowing these other “to-do’s” to wait until you get back from your personal time. I like to think of it as a grocery list, but for work and home tasks. I think everybody knows there is always a running grocery list. Even on the way home from the store, you often realize a few things you’ll need to put on the list to purchase next time. You don’t expect your grocery list to always be completely checked off and complete, why is this holding place any different?
Ask for support! Think about the overwhelm you might feel at home when doing the laundry and the cleaning. It’s helpful to seek out support from other household team members. It’s important to apply this strategy at work as well. Make a list of all the different steps involved in a task. For example, dishes can be broken down into the following: clear the table, rinse, load the dishwasher, unload, dry, and put away. Even further, it can be broken down into unloading the top rack, bottom, and silverware. Which steps in this process can someone else do? You can delegate in the same way with your work tasks. Make them bite-sized and ask for help. Be sure to allow space for some learning, negative feedback, or complaining (especially when it comes to kids), while still holding your firm boundary. Remember, you are not meant to do it all!
Change your thought patterns around delegating. This one will usually follow after you’ve nailed down the above step. Though, I can already hear the voice of resistance coming up for you. It typically sounds something like, “If you want something done right, do it yourself,” or “It will just be faster if I do it,” versus asking for the help, explaining how to do the task, reminding, and sometimes having to re-do or re-start the job. With most delegating, this can be true at first. However, over time, changing your thought cycle around delegating will reward you in the long run. When you notice yourself thinking, “Asking for help isn’t worth it,” re-frame your thought to, “Asking for help will reward me in the future,” or “Delegating takes time at first, but my workload is lightening with every step.”
Finally, reframe your mindset to allow yourself the fun and enjoyment you deserve, even if it means some of your list remains undone. If you need to, find a way to hold yourself accountable to this. One simple way again, is to reach out to your network. Tell your colleagues, family members, or friends. Ask them to hold you accountable if they notice you’re overexerting yourself, even if you’re feeling resistant in the moment. I promise, once you allow yourself some time to do the fun activity, you’ll forget about the to-do’s back at home or at work. Most importantly, when you get back to that list, you’ll have so much more energy and a much better attitude. You’ll be able to achieve your work with greater efficiency and ease.
I imagine this may seem counterintuitive and you’re likely thinking, “I already know that I should be doing all of this!” Try to slow down and remember, there is a major difference between knowing something intellectually, versus taking action and putting it into practice every single day. The joy and fulfillment comes when you LIVE IT, not just KNOW IT.
Life is meant to be joyful. Too often we stress ourselves to the point of sadness, or worse. Taking action now can be uncomfortable, but I’d love to help you uncover the time and energy you need to get back to enjoying the fun and fulfilling life you’re meant for. Connect with me here, and let’s talk about how to get started!
