A Moment of Faith During My Cancer Diagnosis

It was a routine breast biopsy results appointment.  I’d been here three times before, no big deal.  Just got my nails done, had a conference call scheduled from my car right after this appointment–  a normal day.

As the nurse walked me back, she casually asked, “Did you bring anyone with you?”  My heart sank, deep into the pit of my stomach.  I knew…  I felt devastated and disappointed in myself that I didn’t have anyone with me.  A cancer diagnosis is not something you want to experience alone, but there I was.

The words, “You have breast cancer,” and every word following are a blur.  I remember asking to call my husband on speakerphone, feeling bad that he had to hear this news over the phone.  I also knew that I would take in zero information from here forward and I needed him.

It was a flurry of details, next appointments, unknowns, doctor’s names, and next steps.  All I could think about was getting out of that room and being alone.  So I went to the bathroom.

I vividly remember looking in the mirror and hearing my deceased Mom’s voice in my head. “It wasn’t me, it was you,” she said, “you have been preparing your whole life for this moment.”

In my teens, before my Mom died of dementia, she had told me that the reason I was learning meditation, guided imagery & visualization for migraine pain reduction was probably so that I could teach her later in life when she had breast cancer (what her Mother died of).

These words, “You have been preparing your whole life for this,” made me feel less alone.  She was with me.  The words illustrated to me that God does have a plan.

It was the beginning of me learning to trust my own inner guidance system.  To lean on my angels, loved ones passed on, and a Higher Power.  And this was also the moment I realized there is a golden thread woven throughout each of our lives.  Though, this thread is usually unseen until viewed in the rearview mirror.

Seeing this thread taught me to trust in God’s plan and divine timing.  That even devastating news like a cancer diagnosis can be the beginning of something beautiful.  Like a lesson in trusting your inner knowing.  A lesson that can be taught to others and have a ripple effect that helps the world in ways I will never know.