Connection is The Answer
We face problems daily. Every single day, there is something in contrast to the way you want to feel. Whether that is a challenge with a spouse, co-worker, family member, customer, or inner conflict about the way something is happening. It is frequent.
Fighting against the fact that these issues exist, only draws more attention to them, which then attracts more problems. What helps is to find strategies that work for YOU to ease the inner and outer conflicts.
Often when I work with my clients, I hear their friction being soothed by connecting, in various ways. Such as:
Connection to other human beings
This doesn’t necessarily mean talking the problem through with the one who upset you (though sometimes that is absolutely the answer). It can be as simple as calling or texting a like-minded trusted person. Stating to them outloud what is bothering you. Then, allow them to hold the space for you and listen to their feedback about what they heard.
Two things happen when you do this. A) You feel better having got the issue off your chest. This starts to clear your space of negative energy. B) Your feelings about the situation can shift once this space has opened up. You make room for a new perspective. The added benefit of hearing someone’s feedback is that often the objective outsider has a different perspective than you. You don’t have to take on every word they say as your solution, but be open to one or two bits helping to shape your new viewpoint.
Studies show that people who have satisfying relationships with others are happier, healthier and live longer. The key here is “satisfying” relationships. This isn’t unhealthy relationships that don’t feel good (you know the difference). When you reach out for connection, be sure they are 1) like-minded & 2) trusted. If you don’t have these people in your life, set the intention to find some.
Connection to self
For many people, this one is uncomfortable. That is ok, it usually means this is the most important thing for you to do! Start small and stay open. Don’t be surprised if emotions arise the first few times you do it, that’s normal and healthy.
Try going on a walk by yourself, reading a book, or even writing a short gratitude list with a cup of coffee or tea (start with just 15 minutes). Taking time to connect with yourself, and your thoughts is important to understanding how you feel. When you never stop moving, go from activity to activity and live to serve others, you never quiet your mind. This is a numbing mechanism and can stop you from feeling your feelings. Often times when you live in this way, you either get sick, or the suppressed emotions eventually blow in an unhealthy negative way. The sad thing is, you usually end up hurting the ones closest to you (unintentionally). So what do you have to lose? Do it for your loved ones. Take time to connect to yourself.
Think of it this way… How many times do you have the perfect answer or idea come to you in the shower, on a drive or on a walk? Why? Because you’ve quieted your mind long enough to hear what is trying to come through from yourself (you also aren’t glued to your phone;).
Connection to a higher power
God, the universe, your higher self or what you believe to be your higher power can lead you to answers. This connection happens in many forms; prayer, meditation, breathwork, reading - the list is endless. I feel most connected to God when I write in my journal. Some people feel their spiritual connection through music, or in nature. It is different for everyone. If you remain open and patient, you can find connection to your higher power. This also takes time and an open mind.
Inevitably, when problems arise - turn to one of these types of connection. Try out different things until you find what works for you. The worst thing you can do is suffer alone. It is amazing how things can shift quickly with a bit of connection to oneself, God, or others.
