How to NOT get triggered - Guest Blog by Diane Sorensen
Since the holidays are approaching, I called upon my dear friend and colleague, Diane Sorensen to do a guest blog post for us on a hot topic for this time of year - triggers! After coaching for over a decade, I know triggers can be top of mind for my clients when family comes into town for the holiday. Since Diane has taught me personally how to diffuse my triggers, I asked her to guest post and educate you too! - Kristin
This past summer I had the pleasure of spending a couple of days at a lake cabin with a few friends. It was lovely and amazing AND I got triggered. Yep. Even though I was in a relaxing atmosphere, surrounded by people I care about, I still got TRIGGERED. This might be the same for you during time spent with loved ones.
Here’s the thing though, no one knew I was triggered. No one could tell there was a trigger rising up inside me. Over time, I have learned to work WITH my triggers. I was able to put my trigger to the side until I could spend time with it, process through it, and take away all the learnings it was here to teach me.
It didn’t happen in one swift move, it takes time and practice. Once I understood what the trigger was here to heal, I felt at EASE and lighter. It gave me a sense of freedom and joy.
I often hear people ask, “How do I not get triggered around xyz.”
Maybe you get triggered around a certain person or situation such as, your child or a family member or getting out the door in the morning. The way to NOT get triggered by these is to FOCUS your ATTENTION on the trigger itself. The invitation here is to get CURIOUS at why this trigger is showing up here. What is it trying to tell you?
A trigger is not something that is being done TO you. A trigger is showing up FOR you. A trigger is a blast from the past. It is an emotional wound. When a trigger becomes activated, it is inviting you to turn inward for healing.
Traditionally, in some form or another, we’ve gotten the message that feelings are not okay or that you “shouldn’t” be feeling that way. You may have gotten the message to not be emotional or that feelings are a weakness. Feelings associated with happiness seem to be the only ones that are acceptable.
We get the same message with triggers. That triggers are bad, and we shouldn’t have them.
Traditionally, we’ve also gotten the message that other people make you feel certain ways – angry, sad, disappointed, happy, etc. And that you make others feel certain ways. So, we are blamed for other people’s upset and are often credited for their happiness. In turn we blame others for our angst and believe it’s others that create our happiness.
We do the same with triggers. We tend to believe that someone else is triggering us and therefore it is their responsibility to make it better.
In this way no one is taking ownership of their own emotions or triggers. It makes you a victim and keeps you in the drama… Ownership is your way to freedom.
Here’s how it works:
As children when we have negative experiences, as we all do, we make it mean something negative about ourselves. We make assumptions about who we are based on these experiences. And because as a child the logical part of the mind is not yet developed enough to process these experiences in a healthy way, they get buried deep in the recesses of our unconscious mind. Only to show up years later in our adult self so they can be reworked.
So, when a person or situation shows up in our life that triggers us, our body is remembering a past situation where this FEELING was experienced, and it felt threatening. It is an emotional pain. PAIN, whether physical or emotional, feels threatening. We naturally want to defend against it.
Whatever you believe is triggering you is the symptom. The core issue lies within the trigger. Looking underneath the hood of the trigger is where healing takes place. Once healed the trigger is no longer activated. This is a process.
Working with my emotions and triggers has been the most liberating work I have done. It is what has made the most impact in all my relationships. We cannot have connection with others if we are disconnected within ourselves. Triggers are our sign to where we are disconnected and have the power to reconnect us with that part of ourselves. Once healed, you can reclaim your calm, discover your truth & live free.
- Guest Author, Diane Sorensen
Author Bio & Offer
Diane is a certified parenting & relationship life coach and hypnotherapy practitioner supporting women to feel more calm, connected, and confident in their relationships and parenting journey. She is the host and creator of the Beautiful Behavior podcast and community. Diane works with clients from all over the world in breaking generational patterns, cultivating deep connections and becoming the leaders that today’s children need. Diane has a book study she wants to invite you to on The Art of Change, by Nancy Levin - 8 weeks to make a pivotal change in your life. $44 early bird. $64 after December 22, join on her homepage here. https://www.dianesorensen.net/
